17 October 2010

$5.99 I'll never get back...this Jew's nightmare


I bought these yesterday:


I am fully aware that they most likely do not work and that I might as well have given the $5.99 to the homeless man outside selling "Spare Change Magazine" for crack. However, I'm one of those rare people who invites the placebo effect. I'm not sure what this says about me and it worries me to think how dull my mind must be if I can "trick myself" into believing in something I know is purely bullshit, but I bought them nonetheless. I've been popping them like tic-tacs and they are delicious.

Basically, they're lozenges that taste like marshmallows and work "homeopathically with the human psyche ease the mind. Calm Drops help restore the inner calm that enables a choice of outlook." That is such crap, I actually hate myself for it. I'm just glad that this packaged joke didn't come in the form of an enema. Delicious pieces of what essentially is candy that didn't make the grade so they turned it into a homeopathic remedy? I'm down.


Things that led to the purchase of Calm Drops:

- the obvious: money, work, lack of sleep
- I had been on a feverish search throughout the city for brown riding boots. Whenever I would set out on a shopping trip for them, my heart would race and I'd worry that I wouldn't find them. If you saw me walking down Newbury St, you would have thought I was on my way to beat the shit out of some slut. I was in the zone.
- I bought black skinny jeans at Banana Republic and wasn't sure if I should have (I haven't worn black jeans since middle school, back when I was referred to as Mommy Long-Legs) and if I should go back and buy another pair in dark blue...a matter I'm still struggling with as I write this
- I cooked. Which I hate doing because I am TERRIFIED of salmonella
- I've been very thirsty lately--an ailment I once made Max WebMD for me. "excessive thirst" means I'm either diabetic or pregnant...two options I put to bed very quickly
- My car's alignment is slightly off.


So there you have it.
Calm Drops: 1
Kate's Ability to Deal With Basic Matters in a Healthy and Reasonable Way: 0

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